While recently updating my profile on the HelloSelf platform, I found myself reflecting on the training experiences that have most influenced the way I work with clients. One that continues to stay with me is my Breathworks Mindfulness Facilitator training, which I still draw upon regularly in sessions with clients living with chronic pain, stress, anxiety, and long-term health conditions.

One of my favourite ideas from Breathworks is the metaphor of the “First and Second Arrow,” which has its roots in Buddhist psychology and mindfulness teachings.

The metaphor suggests that in life we are all struck by a “first arrow” — the unavoidable pain that comes with being human. This might be physical pain, illness, grief, anxiety, disappointment, loss, or difficult life experiences. The first arrow is painful, but it is part of life.

The “second arrow” is the additional suffering we often create in response to that pain. This can include self-criticism, fear, frustration, shame, catastrophising, or thoughts such as “Why is this happening to me?”, “I can’t cope,” or “Things will never get better.” Often, it is this second layer that keeps people feeling trapped, exhausted, or overwhelmed.

I often explore this idea with clients because many people find it relieving to realise that while we may not always be able to remove the first arrow, we can learn to respond differently to the second.

There is a similar idea within Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), sometimes described as “clean pain” and “dirty pain.” Clean pain refers to the natural emotional pain that comes with difficult experiences. Dirty pain is the struggle we add through fighting, avoiding, judging, or becoming entangled with our thoughts and emotions.

Neither mindfulness nor ACT suggest that we should ignore pain or simply “think positively.” Instead, they encourage us to develop awareness, self-compassion, and psychological flexibility — helping us respond to difficulties in a gentler and more helpful way.

It is a simple metaphor, but one that many clients find powerful. Sometimes we cannot stop the first arrow from arriving, but we can learn not to keep firing the second.